


III. Reconnecting

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: During Canon, Established Relationship, Kinks, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-08-13
Updated: 2006-08-13
Packaged: 2018-09-03 08:19:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8704819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Sam reflects on the first of Dean's reconnecting. Third in the Trust Series.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

**Title:** Reconnecting  
 **Author:** Shorts  
 **Pairings/Character:** Dean/Sam  
 **Rating:** NC17  
 **Category:** Slash  
 **Word Count:** 3201  
 **Note** This is the third story in the Trust Series.

RECONNECTING  
By Shorts

 

The only light in the room came from Sam's laptop as he searched for obscure articles that might be along their lines to investigate. The night was quiet, except for Dean's steady breathing as he slept on the bed next to him. He'd glance toward Dean periodically, musing over the turn of events that was now a part of their lives. 

He was getting better at recognizing the signals to know when Dean reached the point like he had last night. Actually, it was a series of events, and Dean's reaction to them, that cued him in. The nastier the hunts, the more Dean turned inward. Which was not good, for anyone. He became sullen and shut off from everyone and everything. The solution they had established was a helluva lot safer than the remedy Dean had been taking. 

Sighing, Sam slouched in the chair, his feet propped on the other one. The quiet gave him too much time to think and it was moments like this when his mind had a tendency to wander. 

It hadn't been quite seven months since the first episode of what Dean now refers to as Reconnecting. The first time it happened, it was almost called Self Destructing, for both of them. A shiver still ran down his spine thinking about it. The news article on his laptop forgotten, he ran a hand over his face, unable to stop the memories from flooding back.

__

_They had been hunting a rather nasty one, and Dean had gone in for the kill. Sam had come around the corner in time to see Dean take a body shot that should never have happened. Dean didn't just fail to block the blow, he had actually allowed it to hit him. Not once, but three bone jarring body slams before he put it down. Sam still wondered if Dean would have delayed even longer before taking it out if he hadn't started running to make the kill himself._

_The expression on Dean's face had been hard, clearly shutting him out. Before he could say anything, Dean had pushed past him. His only recourse was to chase after him, upset at what he had just witnessed and angry that Dean had taken such a risk for no apparent reason._

_"What the fuck was that all about?!" demanded Sam, as he caught up with Dean in front of the car and blocked his way._

_"Nothing," snapped Dean, as he brushed past him and headed for the driver's side._

_Sam grabbed him by the arm and jerked him around. "Dean, I saw you let that thing strike you."_

_Dean grimaced and yanked his arm out of Sam's grip. "You don't know what you saw. So just drop it." He climbed in behind the wheel and slammed the door shut._

_Frustrated, Sam hurried to the other side and barely had his own door shut before the Impala roared away from the abandoned farm house. On the ride back to their motel, he kept playing the scene over and over in his head, and there was no doubt to what happened back there. Dean let that thing hurt him._

_Dean hadn't spoken two words by the time they pulled into the motel parking lot and Sam was determined to get a straight answer out of his brother, one way or the other. He jumped out of the car and followed him into their motel room. "Are you trying to kill yourself?" demanded Sam, slamming the door closed._

_"Fuck you," snarled Dean, turning his back and gingerly shrugging out of his leather jacket._

_"You already did, last night," snapped Sam. He crowded Dean against the small motel table, refusing to be distracted from the situation at hand._

_"I don't remember any complaints," sneered Dean. "In fact, what I do remember is how sweetly you begged to come. Then you went off like the Fourth of July and New Year's all rolled into one."_

_Sam could feel his cheeks burning. This was not like Dean, at all. What they did together had never been viewed as lewd or obscene. At least not between them, and they were the only ones that mattered, or knew about it. "You just proved to me that you're hiding something. What is it that would make you turn what we do into something pathetic and crude, rather than talk to me?"_

_"Just drop it, Sam," said Dean, moving to step around him._

_Sam moved and blocked him again. "No, I won't. If you suddenly have some kind of death wish, I really need to know about it."_

_Dean pushed him, hard. "I said back off!"_

_Startled, Sam stumbled back a step. He automatically reached out and grabbed Dean around the waist to keep from falling, which turned into an awkward embrace._

_Dean's grimace of pain slowly turned into a look of astonishment and his breath quickened. "That has never fucking happened before," swallowed Dean, almost too quietly for Sam to hear._

_Sam's first instinct was to loosen his grip, but he tightened it instead, afraid Dean would bolt from the room if he got past him. He had heard Dean's hiss of pain right before Dean kissed him. At first, Sam was too stunned to react, then he roughly pushed him away. "This is not the time for that, Dean."_

_"Oh, yeah. That's right," taunted Dean. "It's not the second Thursday of the month, can't expect too much out of you, can I?"_

_"Fuck you!" yelled Sam, losing his temper._

_"I believe we've already covered that, Sammy." Dean's voice dripped with sarcasm and he forced his way past Sam, knocking him hard with his shoulder._

_Sam reached out and gripped Dean by the shoulder, forcing him to face him. The next thing he knew, Dean had him up against the wall between the bed and the table. "Don't play, unless you're willing to go the distance."_

_At that moment, Sam could feel Dean's meaning pressing against his hip. "Dean . . .," he started, but was silenced as Dean pressed his lips against his. Almost hard enough to bruise them. Without thinking, he caught Dean's bottom lip between his teeth and bit down. The reaction he had been expecting, wasn't the one he got._

_Dean gasped and ground their hips together, obviously lost in the sensation._

_Releasing Dean's lower lip, he noticed the slight swelling where he had bit him. He looked into hazel eyes filled with enough heat to match the hard bulge in Dean's jeans._

_Dean stared back at him intently, then roughly kissed him again._

_The raw hunger in that kiss went directly to Sam's own burgeoning erection. He finally jerked his head back gasping. "Damn it, Dean! Sex doesn't solve everything."_

_"You'd be surprised at how much it can solve sometimes," countered Dean, pressing himself hard against him._

_"Dean, I'm serious. Just stop," gasped Sam, arching into Dean, his actions contradicting his words._

_Taking deep, slow breaths, Dean eased his grip on him and rested his forehead on his shoulder. "Sorry, Sammy," he whispered. "You're right. I can't expect you to understand when I don't really understand this myself. Never had this kind of reaction before when it gets to be too much and I have to . . . ." He took two faltering steps back, unable to look Sam in the face. "I think I need to find some other kind of company right now."_

_"What?" The abrupt change in Dean unsettled him even further._

_"I have to get out of here," backed up Dean, fumbling with his jacket. "It's not a good idea for me to stay."_

_"You're not going anywhere," said Sam, matching Dean's retreat. The insinuation of Dean's words sinking in._

_"Just back off, Sam, " warned Dean, backing toward the door._

_"I said, you're not going anywhere." Sam reached out to stop Dean and keep him here where he'd be safe. Dean's arm came up and struck Sam's forearm with enough force to send a shock of pain up to his shoulder. He reacted by clamping down on Dean's wrist and found himself caught in Dean's hold instead._

_"Think you can take me?" challenged Dean, his eyes bright and his face flushed._

_The tone and the look was like a lightening bolt shooting through him, and without thinking Sam shoved him, striking Dean's already sore torso._

_"You got balls, Sam," grunted Dean, "The question is, are you able to use them?"_

_Sam tackled him, bouncing them both on the bed. He scrambled to pin Dean, forcing his wrists above his head. The look on Dean's face was not quite pain, but bordered on something else._

_"Now what are you going to do?" taunted Dean._

_Sam's heart pounded wildly in his chest. He had never before felt a surge of raw need as he did at that moment. The almost overwhelming desire to take what he wanted, how he wanted it. His cock throbbed, almost aching for release as he straddled Dean._

_Dean licked his lips and raised his chin. "Is that the best you got?"_

_He might have been able to stop the whole thing then and there, except Dean grinned at him. That special grin. The one that spoke to him on so many levels. On the one hand it was a dare, an unspoken challenge to whatever was going on. It also bespoke to him that no matter what, he could never do anything wrong in Dean's eyes._

_"I don't want to hurt you," said Sam, battling his own inner demons at the moment._

_The light in Dean's eyes seemed to dim a little. "Yeah, I know." Suddenly, Dean exploded upward, catching Sam by surprise and knocking him off and onto the floor. He rolled to the side, landing on his feet at the foot of the bed. "Just stay here. I'll be back by morning."_

_Sam moved to stand up and his hand closed around a thin, leather cord lying partway out of one of their bags. By the time he had gained his feet, Dean had his jacket in one hand and the keys to the car in the other and was reaching for the door._

_Sam hit him low, propelling them both back toward the bed. Struggling to keep Dean face down, he managed to get his hands behind his back and tied the thin, leather cord around his wrists._

_The moment his wrists were bound, Dean's struggles diminished._

_"Is this what you want?" asked Sam, his voice deep and breathless. He ached for release, either with Dean or by his own hand._

_A slight nod of Dean's head was his only answer._

_Reaching under him, Sam undid his jeans and stripped him from the waist down. He turned and rummaged through one of their bags, snagging the small tube of lubricant and a condom. As he tore open the condom packet, he saw Dean twitch. Taking care, he applied a generous amount of the slick lube to himself._

_"Are you just going to stand there and play with yourself?" growled Dean, twisting and looking over his shoulder._

_"This isn't going to happen without something to ease the way," said Sam, moving to kneel on either side of Dean's thighs. He coated his fingers and pressed two of them inside Dean._

_Dean's hips lifted slightly as he tried to push himself back against Sam's hand. "Will you stop fucking around back there?"_

_Sam swatted Dean on the ass and continued to work his fingers inside. The muffled, frustrated whimpers drifted to him, and Dean's desperate wiggling to impale himself on his fingers, was more than he could take. He nudged Dean's knees further apart and settled himself between them._

_Dean rocked back, as Sam started to slide into him. He could feel Dean's muscles rebel against his intrusion, all the while gripping him tight and drawing him in. A strangled groan escaped him and he pressed his chest against Dean's back and bound hands. The soft cotton of Dean's shirt radiated the heat rolling off of him._

_"Come on, Sam," ground out Dean. "You can do better than this."_

_Lifting himself off Dean's back, Sam clenched his teeth and started to thrust harder and faster. He gripped Dean's hips tightly, anchoring himself. He struggled to keep himself in line, to not lose control._

_"Harder!" ordered Dean, in a strained voice._

_Any resolve Sam had to contain himself dissolved and he slammed into Dean, pounding him with no thought but his own pleasure. Dean had flattened himself on the bed, his hips humping the rough sheets, before Sam yanked him back to his knees._

_"Sam. . . ." Dean's voice cracked._

_Sam slipped his hand around Dean's waist, fondling him before roughly jerking him off in time to his own hard rhythm._

_Dean's orgasm tore a half strangled scream from him, his inner muscles clamping down. Sam continued to hammer into him unmercifully, until he arched, every muscle in his body straining with his own climax._

_Together they collapsed on the bed, gasping for air. Dean's bound hands dug into his stomach and Sam pulled out, causing Dean to groan. He leaned over the side of the bed and pulled the pocket knife out of Dean's jeans pocket. Carefully, he cut the leather cord and freed Dean's wrists._

_Grimacing, Dean rolled over and looked at him with heavy lidded eyes. "You okay?"_

_"Me?" asked Sam, in disbelief. Dean's shirt had rucked up and he saw the darkening bruises on Dean's torso from the earlier encounter._

_"Shit, Dean." He reached out a tentative hand toward the abused flesh._

_"Don't," said Dean, pulling his shirt down and sitting up. The pained grimace of the movement wasn't lost on Sam._

_"I'm sorry," swallowed Sam. As Dean pulled on his jeans, he kneeled on the bed, silently berating himself for not checking to see just how Dean had been injured earlier._

_"Stop it, Sam," said Dean, forcing his feet into his boots without bothering to tie them. "None of this is your fault."_

_It finally registered that Dean was getting dressed and stood up. "What are you doing?"_

_"I pushed you, hell, I forced you into this twisted excuse of a relationship," choked out Dean, unable to turn around and look at Sam. "I never should have let us start this to begin with."_

_Sam stood there stunned, unable to believe Dean honestly thought he had forced their relationship on him. He took a step toward him, not believing what Dean was saying. "I hate to break this to you, bro, but I knew exactly what I was doing."_

_"Don't go taking the blame for something that isn't your fault," said Dean, clenching his teeth as he dodged back. He pulled out his wallet, tossing all the bills he had on the table and yanked open the door. "It's not a lot, but there should be enough there for a bus ticket back to school."_

_Sam stopped him and slammed the door closed. "This isn't all about you, Dean. I'm just as much to blame, if not more." He struggled to admit this, even to himself. "I enjoyed it way more than I should have. How does that grab you?"_

_Dean flinched at the harsh tone._

_"Don't you get it?" said Sam, his voice breaking. "I got off on hurting you. What kind of person does that make me? If either of us is in the wrong about this, it's me."_

_"You didn't do anything wrong. Considering it was something I wanted, . . . something that I needed from you," said Dean, leaning heavily against the closed door._

_"Why would you want me to hurt you?" asked Sam. "To cause you pain like that?"_

_Bowing his head, Dean squeezed his eyes shut. Sam could see the struggle flicker across Dean's face as he tried to find the words to answer him. "The pain let's me know that I can still feel. That I'm still human. Sometimes, I feel like I'm disconnecting from everything. And eventually I'll detach so far, that I won't be able to tell myself from the evil that I'm hunting."_

_"That'll never happen," said Sam, gripping Dean by the back of his neck and pulling him in for a hug. It had never occurred to him that on the majority of their hunts, Dean was usually the one to put whatever it was down. Whether he had to dig it up, burn it out, or shoot it._

_"You don't know that," argued Dean, leaning into Sam's comforting embrace. "All I know, is that if I don't find a way to reconnect, I'll lose who I am."_

_"Earlier," said Sam, trying to choose his words very carefully. "I knew if you walked out that door, anything could have happened to you. Something that could easily have been out of your control." He ignored Dean's patent look to that comment. "It was better to deal with it between the two of us."_

_Dean sucked in his slightly swollen lip. "It's going to happen again. And when it does, then what?"_

_"Then we take care of it," promised Sam with a small smile. "Just like we've always taken care of each other."_

_Falling back on the trust they've always had between them, Dean accepted the truth of Sam's promise._

_Sam spooned behind Dean as they slept through night. He woke the next morning to Dean half bent over and walking slowly toward the bathroom. Throwing back the covers he rushed to him._

_"I'm fine!" snapped Dean, swatting Sam's hands away from him. "Nothing a hot shower won't take care of."_

_Frowning, Sam watched as Dean disappeared into the bathroom. When he heard the shower start, his resolve crumbled and he joined him in the shower._

_Their stuff was stashed in the back of the car and they were ready to hit the road again. Before pulling out of the motel parking lot, Dean reached into his pocket and pulled out the leather cord that was now in two pieces. He took one and looped it around Sam's wrist, tying it in place. He offered his own wrist for Sam to return the favor._

_"It's a reminder that no matter what happens between us," said Dean. "We don't lay blame. Not on each other or on ourselves. Deal?"_

_All Sam could do was nod as Dean put the car in gear. He lifted his wrist, looking at the thin, leather bracelet. It still held a faint wisp of Dean's scent and he brought his wrist to his nose and inhaled._

_"Dude, what are you doing?" asked Dean, having glanced over at him._

_"Huh? Oh, nothing," answered Sam. But it hadn't taken long for Dean to figure out that the scent and feel of leather had it's own special appeal to him._

__

Glancing down at his wrist, Sam smiled and then closed down his laptop. He stretched, working out the kinks from sitting hunched in the hard backed chair. Undressing, he slipped in beside Dean, nudging him until he rolled over and he could spoon behind him.

"You okay?" came Dean's sleepy question.

"Yeah, go back to sleep." Sam sighed, hugging Dean close, his own version of reconnecting to his brother.


End file.
